Fall

I fall to easily. I love to fall yet hate it. If I don't wacth I can get hurt when I crash down. But I have you. When I fall you reach out your hands and catch me. You don't let me fall past your arms. You catch me every time. Your ther for me always. You carry me strongly, kindly, you protect me. I wish not to fall and crash. Please don't let me fall. Protect me. Keep me safe. Hold me tight. I love you.

Why? You were... But not now.

Are you happy? You’ve made me cry in pain and sorrow. You made me regret and hurt on the inside. You made me feel worthless once again. Satisfied? You were my friend! I trusted you! I told you everything! I’ve kept your secrets! You betrayed me! You making me want to crawl into a hole and hind forever. You won. I congratulate you. Congratulations. It’s nice to know that all I’ve done for you meant absolutely nothing. If you were this “friend” you wouldn’t have done this. Satisfied with yourself? You should look up the word “friend” in the dictionary. Your name is not there. If you look up betrayal, your name is right there. It just showed me that you are not this “true friend” that you lead me to believe. I don’t think you even cared for me. You used me to bully me. I tried to be your best friend to console you when you needed it. But you can’t console me when I need it? Satisfied? You bully me into something I didn’t want to do. I listen to you. I believed you. Why? Why are you hurting me? Why make me cry? What have I done for you to hate me?

I am not

I am not a quitter as you may think. I didn't quit. It is that my body can't handle the same thing your body can do. Why strain myself? Why do you want to push me? Just because I got out before you could break me doesn't mean I'm a quitter. Just because I worry about my health more than you would care about me doesn't mean I'm a quitter. You don't know me enough to say I'm a quitter. Calling me a quitter means your a bully and want to make me feel bad to make yourself better. It is pretty stupid to call you my friend. If your only there to make me feel worse about myself. I can't wait in about five ten years when I'm every successful and your not and that because you bullied me I can thank you because if it wasn't for you I might not have been successful. Which I plan on. I plan to show you up, to show you I am not this "quitter" you can me now. I am unique in my way and will show you that I am not a "quitter" that you set your mind to think I am. So worry about yourself and not me. That's why I have myself to worry about myself.

Why do this to me?

Why did you hurt me? What have I done? All I wanted was to be your friend. Not an enemy, not your punching bag. Your friend that helps you when your down. That helps you when your sad. That's there for you 24/7. But if you can't be a friend to me then why should I be a friend to you. Why hurt me? Why kick me down when I try? I have been there for you and helped you when you were down. Why when I want you to answer me you ingore me? Why do you expect me to stay loyal to you when you are never there for me? It seems you hate me. Just say it! Don't hind it with different words. That basicly what you want to say. If you were a true friend you would tell me what I am to you and tell me the truth and say it to me. Not behind my back to my face. The truth hurts but it's the truth I need to know. I guess your not the person you have lead me to believe that you are. Thanks and it was nice knowing you. If you want to run to me again begging on your hands and knees for forgiveness think of a really good reason why I should before you talk to me. If you really mean it you will call to me meet face to face, not a text that I would just delete.

May 25, 2011

Studying for exams as a high schooler can be one of the hardest things of your life. For example the stress of studying for all your exams, the concentration of trying to stay focus, that urge to want summer here already, all the last of the school try-outs. I have only five days of school left! And buckling down to studying for my first exam this Friday is the hardest for because it's my english class. It's not that I'm dreadful in english, it's that the teacher is tough. He teachers regular but grades and teaches as if it was an honor class. Which if he asks like it's an honor class then I would like the credit for an honor for it, right? I shouldn't complain because I have a "B" but I'm an "A" student, so I hate "B"'s. But studying in general is tedious and I would like it to be summer already practically. Also, with all the studying I had Band practices because I want to be in winter gaurd. Yes, not color gaurd, there IS a difference. At my school our color garud is basically the Band's pep-squad. Sorry but that's how it is at my school, [I mean the color gaurd shouldn't be pop, drop, and locking it] and my friends are all in color gaurd [Sorry]. Also, winter gaurd is more competion and competiveness. Which I like better then being the Band's pep-squad.